Theme: This sketch can be performed by 2 men, or if your church has an enlightened view of God's gender, there is no reason why the voice of God should not be played by a woman. That said, the nature of the conversation is that of two men chatting about what their ideal woman would be like, with Adam having a very 21st century macho take on the idea. This is a sketch that would work well with men's groups, and can be used in marriage guidance courses to highlight our unrealistic expectations of our partners.
Staging: Given that Adam would be naked at the time of this conversation with God, you might like to think of comical ways of staging this. Have the character wearing shorts but covering himself by carrying a cardboard tree, or a big box. Or he could carry a plank of wood? Or a painting of a garden scene? Of course, if your church objects even to bare arms, then Adam should dress in normal clothes. The point of this sketch is not to re-create the creation but to talk about relationships.
A man comes on stage, a little sheepishly. The part of God can be played by a voice off-stage, or an actor may come on to play the part.
ADAM: Hello God? Lord? It's me, Adam.
GOD: Of course it is Adam. Who else could it be?
ADAM: No. Sorry. Well in a way though that's my point.
GOD: Go on.
ADAM: Well I've just been having a look round the Garden of Edam.
ADAM: Sorry, yea, I'm still getting used to the language. Sorry.
GOD: Edam is a type of cheese.
ADAM: Oh right....... What's cheese?
GOD: That's another project I'm working on.or
Jacob comes on stage wearing dark glasses and carrying a white stick, or a board saying I am blind, please help me. Enter Joshua looking a little gloomy.
JACOB: Mister, mister, can you spare me a penny? I've not eaten for days.
JOSHUA: Sorry mate, I'm skint.
JACOB: Joshua? Is that you?
JOSHUA: Jacob. Grief! I didn't recognise you with your sun-tan.
JACOB: Have I got a sun-tan?
JOSHUA: It's either that or dirt. Hard to tell. Let's have a look at you. (He closes his eyes and feels Jacobs face, as a blind man would). You've put on a bit of weight haven't you? Going well is it?
JACOB: Mustn't grumble. Last couple of weeks, business has been pretty special. Takings are almost double. Not sureor
Three actors come on stage and line up, kneeling side by side, facing the audience.
ABIGAIL: Father God, forgive me for my sins. I have been angry with my kids when they've done nothing wrong, I've abused my colleagues at work, and I've failed to support the friends that need me most, and I give too little to charity.
BOB: Heavenly father, I bow before you right now full of guilt for the bad things I've done. I beg your forgiveness for the way I've hurt other people, most especially for the guy I stabbed outside the night-club, four weeks ago. Father, give me the courage to go to the police and own up to what I've done.
CHRISTINE: Lord, I really just want to come before you, Lord, and I pray Lord that you will really, just, forgive this man beside me.
ABIGAIL: Father God, I pray for patience and tolerance to deal with the problems at work that make me so angry. Give me the strength to follow your example, and to love those who hurt me. Help me to treat everyone as my neighbour and my friend.or
Three men are seated on stage in middle east head-gear. Des sits alone to one side. John and Mark are on the other side, both wearing headphones.
Des: Shalom et salvete ad noctem-ludorum. On tonight's programme, we have coverage of the gladiating live from Rome, followed by coverage of the gladiators dead from Rome. After that, there'll be a feature on Lenny the Lion, hoping to defend his World Heavyweight Christian Eating Title, against Festus, the heavyweight Christian who has yet to be eaten in seventeen professional dinners so far. But I'm sorry to say that we don't have coverage of tonight's Scottish Cup quarter final between Celtic and Partick Thistle, because football hasn't been invented yet. So in place of that, let's go over to John Motson and Mark Lawrenfilius on the banks of the sea of Galilee.
John: Well yes indeed, thank you Des. Welcome to the sea of Galilee, where there's a huge crowd gathered here today, I'd estimate at roundabout 5,000 people. And I don't think weve seen such a big crowd since John the Baptist prayed in Nazareth five years ago.or
His Lordship, a very upper class old man is on stage. Enter a labourer from the fields.
BARKER: Excuse me your Lordship, have you got a minute?
LORD FINCH: Certainly Barker, what can I do for you?
BARKER: It's about my wages my lord.
LORD FINCH: Oh dear, and what's the problem?
BARKER: I've just been in to get my pay packet, from her ladyship, and er, it's not right sir.
LORD FINCH: Oh dear, really?
BARKER: Yea, you see, when I work in the gardens, it's normally six fifty an hour, for thirty five hours, which is two hundred and twenty seven pound fifty. But last week, I did thirty hours, at six pound fifty an hour, which I work out as one hundred and ninety five.
LORD FINCH: Oh dear, what did we give you?or
Dad is on stage drinking a glass of water. Mum comes on trying her best to look seductive, in order to win him over.
MARTHA: Darling, if youve got a few moments tonight, could you mend James's wooden horse. He was playing on it this afternoon, and he broke the leg.
DAD: And how did he do it this time?
MARTHA: Well, after lunch, he was pretending that he was being chased by hundreds of Roman soldiers, and it was only me really, but I made a lot of noise. But when I caught up with him and didn't arrest him in Latin, he threw a tantrum, and broke its leg.
DAD: Oh did he?
MARTHA: Now dont get angry. It's just a phase he's going through.
DAD: I know. But he's twenty five years old Martha.
MARTHA: I know, but.or
Manager in a smart suit carries some papers in a folder. Rich man in holiday clothes enters and approaches.
RICH MAN: Ah. Are you the manager?
MANAGER: Yes sir.
RICH MAN: Good. Ive got a complaint about my room.
MANAGER: What's the problem?
RICH MAN: According to my contract, I was supposed to have a room in God's house prepared for me by Jesus.
RICH MAN: Well he must have forgotten.
MANAGER: I doubt it. Which room number is it sir?
RICH MAN: (Checks his key tag) Nine billion, six hundred thousand and twenty nine.or
A vicar sits at his/her desk. Theres a knock on the door and Jason and Sarah enter. Jason and Sarah are in their early teens. Sarah wears a bright red anorak.
VICAR: Hello you two. What can I do for you?
JASON: It's Sarah vicar. I think I've probably got her that is, she's. I think I've got her .(He leans over to whisper)
VICAR: No, sorry, I missed that.
JASON: I think, I've probably got her a new anorak.
JASON: I didn't mean to.
VICAR: A new anorak. Oh dear. Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.
SARAH: I'm dreading telling my parents.
VICAR: Yes, you must be. They're both quite trendy aren't they?
JASON: Her dad's gonna kill me.or
A presenter sits with sharp suited Bob and Norman at a coffee table in the sports studio.
Presenter: Good evening and welcome to the last session of tonight's fascinating snooker final. With me in the studio is Bob Parsons who wasn't good enough to get past the first round, and Norman Ridge, who's been dating the producer. Gentlemen.
Bob: Hello Jennifer.
Presenter : So Norman, if I can turn to you first. What about tonight ?
Norman: No, sorry, I'm still seeing Vanessa.
Presenter: I mean tonight's game.
Norman: Sure, yea. Well I think it has all the makings of being a really large pay packet for all of us. I think we're looking for both players to come out, maybe half an hour later than planned, make the game span out for hours and hours, and then by eleven o'clock we'll be into overtime.or
A Roman official comes on stage, with a clipboard.
ROMAN: Alright you lot. Move along, come on, come on, get in line.
Enter Flavius, in school uniform (with others if you have enough actors). He raises his hand meekly.
FLAVIUS Er sir.
ROMAN: What is it boy?
FLAVIUS: I can't do games in the Colisseum today sir. I've forgotten my kit.
FLAVIUS: I've forgotten my kit sir.
ROMAN: You don't need any kit.
FLAVIUS: And I've got a verooca. I've got a letter from my mum. (He passes over a letter.)
ROMAN: (Reads) Dear Corporal, Flavius can not do being eaten by the lions today, because he has a verooca, love his mum. Did you forge this Flavius?or
Mr Gregson is sitting on a chair. Miss Phillips returns with a form.
PHILLIPS: Well thank you for completing our dating agency application form Mr Gregson. Very revealing, and unfortunately, I don't think we're going to find anyone on our books wholl be interested in seeing you.
GREGSON: (Disappointed) Oh.
PHILLIPS: Yes unfortunately, in just about every category your short-comings, and I use the word in its widest possible sense, are all too apparent.
GREGSON: In what way?
PHILLIPS: Well in the most obvious way, Mr Gregson. You are in fact, too short.
GREGSON: Too short for what?
PHILLIPS: Well for a woman Mr Gregson. You see regardless of her own height, and indeed anything she may otherwise claim, a woman is looking for a man who is tall.or
Reporter comes on stage carrying a microphone.
REPORTER: Good evening. Tonight, on Panorama, we examine the case of John.
John comes forward wearing a hoodie that covers his face. He holds a bottle.
REPORTER: To protect his identity, weve changed John's name. His real name is Derek Bridges. To look at John walking through the street, you might imagine he was the same as any other teenager, but John is different, he has a problem, because John is a Christian. John, thanks for agreeing to talk to us..
JOHN: That's alright.
REPORTER: I wonder if I might ask you to describe how you first got into religion?
JOHN: I was about fifteen. I think it was over a period of days. It wasn't immediate. First of all, I just started watching a bit of Songs of Praise on tele. I never meant to watch it, I was just flicking over after Heartbeat.or
Bill is on stage. Sally comes on looking troubled.
SALLY: Bill, have you got a moment.
BILL: Sure Sally. For you, any time.
SALLY: Look, you're someone who seems to understand what God wants.
BILL: I try to immerse myself in the word, if that's what you mean.
SALLY: Well, that's what I thought. It's just that, I'm just in a bit of a dilemma. My sister's going out with this guy and, well, he's just not right for her. I don't know what to do.
BILL: Have you tried reading the Bible? It's full of good advice.
SALLY: Well that's my problem, I've never found the answer to anything in the Bible.
BILL: Oh it's there. Trust me, it's there. Romans 15. 4. For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures, we might have hope.or
ASSISTANT: Oh yes, now that is so you.
WOMAN: Do you think so?
ASSISTANT: Oh yes. I've never seen a new religion fit someone so well.
WOMAN: (Checking her bottom) Do you think my sin looks big in this?
ASSISTANT: Oh no. No, no, no. No, I think it hides it pretty well.. by accentuating your good points. Your sin looks perfectly peachy.
WOMAN: You don't think it's a bit restricting?
ASSISTANT: In what way?
WOMAN: Well, you know, I like to go out with the girls on Friday night. Few Bacardi breezers, snog as many blokes as I can. It feels like I cant even dance in this.
ASSISTANT: Well you can dance - just not on the table.
WOMAN: Right. Could we not let it out a bit? Not too far. I mean I like it, it's just.. and the length.or
A young couple enter a jewellery shop and pretend to look at the goods on offer. She is extremely excited, and will maintain her excitement throughout.
ALISON: Oh darling, look at the beautiful rings. Oh my gosh, look at that one, and that one, oh, and that is GORGEOUS! Oh that one, that one! Please darling.
JEWELLER: Good afternoon.
ALISON: I wanna see that one.
JEWELLER: Certainly madam. A most excellent suggestion. For an engagement perhaps? So here we have a single diamond set in emeralds. Twenty four carat gold, three thousand pounds, and only seventeen slaves died in the diamond mine in order to retrieve it.
ALISON: (A bit disappointed) Only seventeen?
JEWELLER: (Equally disappointed) Only seventeen. We have more over here.or
Rick is on stage reading a newspaper. Dave comes on.
Dave: Now then Rick, alright?
Rick: (Fed up) Me and Susan have just got engaged actually.
Dave: Really? You popped the question?
Rick: Yeah. I said those four little words shes been waiting to hear, You're not are you?
Rick: fraid so.
Dave: Are you sure it's hers?
Rick: You what?
Dave: Nothing!. Gosh, you're getting married. How did it happen?
Rick: Well. You know don't you?or
A reader sits at his desk. On the opposite side of the stage is Jennie Krantz, a reporter.
READER: Good evening, here are tonight's headlines.
Sound effect: Bong!
READER: New bong noise at start of headlines creates panic amongst viewers.
Sound effect: Bong!
READER: Prime minister denies accusations that he wore an offensive tie.
Sound effect: Bong!
READER: We'd all be killed by Martians if they existed say scientists.
Sound effect: Bong!
READER: And we're not splitting up say the Queen and Prince Philip.or
This is best done as a poem or a solo Oh little town of BethlehemHow still we see thee lie Above thy deep and dreamless sleep Israeli tanks drive by And in the dark street hideth A kid brought up to fight He wants to kill, and so there will Be ten more slain tonight
An actor comes to the front of the stage.
Actor: Our father, who art in heaven, which means I'm not really sure you're going to hear this anywayHallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, and thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven, unless that's going to make my life a bit too difficult, in which case I wonder if we might reach some sort of compromise, like your will Monday to Friday, and mine at the weekend? Or maybe I can have a couple of hours every evening? Give us this day our daily bread, which I'm taking to or
Man and woman sit nervously at desk. Enter a counsellor, with a file, who sits opposite.
COUNSELLOR: Sorry to keep you. It's my first day. I got lost in the corridors. Well, welcome. Mr & Mrs?
MAN: No, we're not married.
COUNSELLOR: Oh, ok. Cohabiting?
MAN: Not exactly.
COUNSELLOR: Right. Well, welcome, anyway, to Relationship Counselling. Is this your first time?
WOMAN: It is for me yea.
COUNSELLOR: And you sir?
MAN: No, I've done it a million times.
COUNSELLOR: Right? Ok, well what we normally do, so we can get everything out in the open is I invite each of youor
An evangelist is on stage. Another man walks towards him in a hurry.
EVANGELIST: Brother. Can I ask you, do you know where you're heading?
BLOKE: . Well, if you'll let me pass, I was planning to go to Homebase.
EVANGELIST: But do you know if youre going to Hell?
BLOKE: Well, that depends on the queues.
EVANGELIST: Oh sir, I fear you are going to Hell.
BLOKE: This isn't some marketing gimmick dreamt up by B&Q is it?
EVANGELIST: Sir, I must ask you. Do you know Jesus?or
A scruffy young man comes on stage, with a notepad and pen.
Kenneth: Good evening. My name is Kenneth Lewis, and I'm an investigative reporter for the (insert the name of your local newspaper), and this week I've been investigating Jesus. Who is he? What is he? Where is he? Why is he? How is he? Is he? Right, well, I dont really know much about Jesus, so to start my investigation, I thought I know, I'll ask the vicar whose like the only professional Christian I know. Well, he's not like him, he is him. So, that's what I did, I went to see the vicar. So, I didn't go by car, because, a) he lives four doors away, and it wouldn't be environmentally friendly, and b) I haven't got a car.. And c) I can't drive, and I didn't want to waste time, like having lessons, and tryingor
Jennifer is in the kitchen stirring a pot. Bill snuggles up behind her.
BILL: Mmm. That smells nice. What are we having?
JENNIFER: I thought we'd start with something light. Maybe a few anecdotes. Nothing fancy, just a couple of nice memories tossed in a light sauce of fellowship. Or I wondered about a morsel of agape wrapped in a fresh leaf of sincerity. Or just toast and patter?
BILL: They all sound good to me.
JENNIFER: Well. I don't want to serve up anything too heavy. Not for starters.
BILL: Well listen, anything will be better than what Tony gave us last Christmas.
JENNIFER: Grief yea. That gossip was well past its sell by date.
BILL: And those judgements. Tough, tough, tough.
Then the pudding.
Theme: This is just a fun sketch for a church weekend or concert. It is not especially trying to say anything spiritual, it is just having a laugh at the problems faced by missionaries who are lost in the jungle.
Staging: A few props are needed such as a table, chairs and diary. The leader needs cold weather gear, and Algy needs his swim suit.
Forster sits at a table writing his log book. He wears mountaineering gear for cold weather.
Forster: Dear diary. Our team of missionaries arrived here 18 days ago on our mission to take the Gospel to the tribes of the Sherpas believed to live in the upper limits of the Himalayas. However, we have been unable to proceed further due to severe weather conditions and an acute fear of heights. It is also very slippy outside, and we'd be fools to chance it. Morale is pretty low, so I've called a meeting of Algy, Ginger and myself to discuss our situation.
Algy and Ginger enter. Ginger is dressed for the beach.
Forster: Ah. Algy, Ginger. Sit down.
There are no chairs.
Forster: So what's the situation?
Algy: Pretty rough.
Ginger: A few complaints.or
A sharp-suited salesman smiles charmingly as a timid lady approaches.
SALESMAN: And a very good afternoon to you madam. What can I do you for?
LADY: I'm looking for a religion.
SALESMAN: Course you are madam. Wouldnt be here if you weren't would you?
LADY: Only I don't really know what I'm looking for.
SALESMAN: No problem. No problem. Just for yourself is it? Little run around for the weekend, or are you looking for something with a bit more aarrrhhh?
LADY: I don't mind. So long as it's reliable.
SALESMAN: They're all reliable madam. I've tested all these religions personally, and there's a three month parts and labour warranty on everything we sell.
LADY: Well that's good to know.
SALESMAN: I wouldn't sell it unless I believed in it madam.or
More about each sketch in Volume 2
Theme: It's tempting to think that when Jesus gave his commission to the disciples theyd have responded positively. But as Matthew's gospel clearly states, there wasnt likely to be much fun involved in being a disciple of Jesus. It would be a demanding and thankless task. This sketch can be used as a sermon illustration and also a reminder to all Christians that following Jesus isn't an easy ride.
Staging: Biblical dress should be worn if possible. The two characters should enter from opposite sides of the stage, and whereas the original invitation to dinner should be delivered with enthusiasm for welcoming a friend, by the end of the sketch, Joseph should be a good deal more reticent about receiving Thaddeus at his house.
Thaddeus is on stage, looking ever so slightly worried. Joseph hurries on. To set the time of the scene, both could wear middle east head-dress and gowns.
JOSEPH: Alright Thaddeus?
JOSEPH: The missus wants to know if you can come to our place for dinner next Thursday?
THADDEUS: Next Thursday? I'm not sure.
THADDEUS: I'd like to, but..
JOSEPH: What's the problem?
THADDEUS: Well, I'm not being ungrateful or anything, but Jesus has just had me in with all the other disciples, and he's given us the authority to drive out evil spirits and to heal every disease and sickness.or
Daniel and Levi enter together in deep discussion. Both are dressed as Jewish disciples (they are actually disciples of John the Baptist).
DANIEL: Well, that was an eye-opener.
LEVI: Was it? I didn't understand a word Jesus said.
DANIEL: Well, no, I didn't understand a word but that's why it was an eye-opener.
DANIEL: I must say I do prefer the way that John the Baptist will actually answer the question that you ask him, rather than answering the question that you didn't ask him.
LEVI: I'm not sure Jesus even answered the question we didn't ask him. He just asked a lot of other questions.
DANIEL: Yea. I didn't like that.
LEVI: It's not like it was even that difficult a question that we asked.
DANIEL: Well, no it wasn't, was it?or
Mrs Noah is in the kitchen. Noah comes home carrying an umbrella.
MRS NOAH: Hello Noah. Had a nice day at work?
NOAH: Erm? (He makes as if to give her the umbrella)
MRS NOAH: That's nice dear. What is it?
NOAH: I'm going to call it an umbrella.
MRS NOAH: What does it do?
NOAH: Right, well you know when it rains?
MRS NOAH: Rains? It never rains round here.
NOAH: No, I know it doesn't normally rain, but.
MRS NOAH: It's dry, dry, dry.or
A man comes on stage wearing a long wig of hair, tied in seven braids. Hes followed by a beautiful woman, who is trying to seduce him.
DELILAH: Oh come on Samson.. tell me.
DELILAH: Come on. Please.
DELILAH: I'll cook you a nice dinner.
SAMSON: Do you think I'm stupid?
DELILAH: (She clearly does) What makes you say that?
SAMSON: Because when I told you that my strength could be taken away if I was tied by seven fresh thongs, the next day I woke up, and I'd been tied by seven fresh thongs.
DELILAH: Yea well. That was coincidence.or
An artist comes on stage with an easel and some paints.
Artist: I'm sorry, I'm sorry I came as quickly as I could. My, my, my, such traffic in the street. A donkey has jack-knifed on the main road, and there's a tail-back for blocks. Flipping Romans! This census has created chaos. So many people. So many people, coming and going.
He sets up his easel, and faces out to the congregation.
Artist: Now, anyway I'm here. I went to the inn but he said you were out here. So, I can see the mother and the baby, but which one of you is the baby's father?. None of you? Ok, ok, it's not for me to judge. Which is the man shes living with? You sir, well move in a little bit closer. Don't be shy. You're important as well. And who are these people? Are you the relatives?. You're shepherds! Ok, ok, it's more usual to have close relatives, but hey, I'm just the artist. I just ask you to stand still and stop scratching. In fact, I'd quite appreciate it if you'd stop all bodily functions. Especially you sir. Ok, so let's talk about the composition. First question, do you want the cows in the picture or don't you?..or
Three shepherds are sitting by a fire warming their hands.
Shepherd 1: (In a very matter of fact way, with a very rural accent) I had one of them angels of the Lord come visit me last night.
Shepherd 2: Really?
Shepherd 1: Yea. Not a sight you see every day.
Shepherd 3: You sure it wasn't your missus?
Shepherd 1: No, you couldn't mistake my missus for an angel of the Lord. Not even if you were really drunk. And I wasn't even a little bit.
Shepherd 3: So what did he want with you?
Shepherd 1: Well, I was watching my flock, cos there was nothing else on.
Shepherd 3: TV no good?or
Character A sits on stage with a cup of coffee, reading a script. Enter character B wearing a really poor costume representing a black and white cow.
CHARACTER A: Hi.
CHARACTER B: Hi. (B sits alongside A)
CHARACTER A: Here for the audition?
CHARACTER B: Yea.
CHARACTER A: What as?
CHARACTER B: (Indignant) Im a cow.
CHARACTER A: Are you?
CHARACTER B: Yea. What about you?
CHARACTER A: Innkeeper.
CHARACTER B: Oh speaking part.or
A lady stands behind the counter of a shop. A bell rings, and three men enter. Magi 1 must be elderly, or at least appear so.
Magi 1: Oh hello. I wonder if you can help me. We're looking for suitable presents for a child.
Lady: Your child?
Magi 1: Sorry I'm a little deaf.
LADY: I said is it your child.
Magi 1: At my age? Not likely.
LADY: A friend?
Magi 1: Not exactly.
LADY: Grandson? Niece.
Magi 1: We're not related.
LADY: Well what sort of age?or
Alice is on stage. George comes on wearing a hat and coat.
ALICE: Hi, how was the service?
GEORGE: Ah.. It could have been better. Could have been worse.
GEORGE: Though it's fair to say it could have been quite a lot better, and not much worse.
GEORGE: I'm not sure which is better. To go to a service expecting it might be better, and finding it's worse, even though it still ends up being better than it might have been.
GEORGE: Or, if it's better to go expecting it to be worse, and it turns out better, even if it's still worse than it ought to be.
ALICE: George, your mum called.or
An actor comes on to stage and facing the audience gets to his knees to pray.
Actor: Lord, this is your servant Denis calling. Please Lord, hear my prayer.
Voice: (from off stage an electronic voice) All of our operators are busy at the moment. Your prayer is important to us and will be answered shortly. Please hold. All of our operators are busy at the moment. Your prayer is important to us and will be answered shortly. Please hold. All of our .
Actor: Oh not again.
Voice: Your prayer is important to us and will be answered shortly. Please hold.
Actor: Every time I time I try to pray you never seem to be there. I try in the morning, in the afternoon, at night. Some of us have got work to do you know!
Voice: All of our operators are busy at the moment. Your prayer is Thank you for calling the Lord God Almighty.or
The actor (male or female) comes to face the audience, and assumes a prayerful pose.
Actor: Oh Lord, I come before you this evening, desperate to hear your voice, longing to know that you are close at hand and listening to my prayers. Lord, answer me this evening. I need to know you are near by, and that you care about my troubles.
Voice: Be still my child, and know that..
Actor: (interrupting) Lord, speak to me now, in the silence of this room. Help me to hear you above the clamour of everyday worries and concerns.
Voice: Right, are you ready now?
Actor: Lord, I cry out to you,
Voice: Yes and I cry out to you!or
A group of children come rushing onto the stage. (The parts could be played by adults pretending to be children)
A: I love going to Sunday school.
B: Me too.
A: I love going home again. It's the bit in the middle I don't always get.
B: Do you think Jesus went to Sunday school?
A: Not really.
B: Then why does our teacher keep telling us we should be more like Jesus! If he didn't even go to Sunday school.
A: And he never had to help wash the car, and he didn't have piano lessons, and he didn't get homework.
C: If we're supposed to be like Jesus then we shouldn't have been born in a hospital either.or
The music group comes on stage. Dave has a guitar. Pete has a bass guitar. Gerry goes over to the piano, and Sylvia goes to the microphone.
DAVE: Right everyone, before the congregation arrives, I think we should pray. Ok? Just a time of open prayer, where we can bring our worship to God, ask him to bless what we're trying to do for Him this evening.
SYLVIA: Yea, absolutely.
DAVE: Great. (They all gather round and close their eyes) Lord, I bring this group of musicians before you this evening, and I just pray that you will bless our efforts in your name, and prevent Gerry from constantly hitting the wrong notes on the keyboard.
Gerry opens his eyes and looks shocked, but says nothing.
SYLVIA: Lord let our music be an inspiration to this congregation, and help Gerry to understand that this isn't a rock concert.or
Arthur is sitting at his desk in work clothes. Enter, Bill, whistling.
Arthur: Hi Bill. Sounds like someone had a great weekend?
Bill: Brilliant. Saturday afternoon we went to the theme park with the kids.
Bill: Brilliant. You just gotta go there. The killer thriller. Phoar! What a ride. Man, I thought I was going to lose all of my insides. You've got to do that. Get yourself down there and give it a try.
Arthur: You think?
Bill: Yeah. Scared me half to death. And they do great burgers as well. The triple whopper with cheese and fries. That is some burger. You've gotta try one.
Arthur: Sounds nice!
Bill: Ah man. Then, and then, when you've done the killer thriller, and had a triple whopper, you must go on the corkscrew spleen Buster. That is one magnificent ride.or
Janice is sitting on stage, looking a little gloomy and perplexed. Sharon joins her.
Sharon: Hi Janice. Is everything ok?
Janice: You;ve heard about my job I suppose?
Sharon: No. No I haven't. Whats happened?
Janice: Just when I thought everything was going ok.
Sharon: Oh no.
Janice: I'd finally got the hang of it. Made some friends.
Sharon: Have they laid you off?
Janice: I've been promoted.
Sharon: (Not sure how to react) Oh!
Janice: Why me Sharon? Why me?or
Eric is sitting on a chair with a guitar and a notebook. Every now and then he plays a couple of chords. He's clearly composing. Enter Helen.
HELEN: Hi Eric, how's it going?
ERIC: (Excitedly) Yea, brilliant. (Brightly) Well, ok! .. (Seriously) Slowly.. I've got the first two lines.
HELEN: Can I hear them?
ERIC: Not the music. Just the lines.
HELEN: That's fine.
ERIC: Ok. You won't laugh.
HELEN: No. I think it's great what you're doing. We need some new worship songs. Not something everyone can write.
ERIC: Well, I haven't, yet. But I will. And I've made a good start. (He picks up the book he's been writing in.) Right, ready? ..Right.. ok.. but you know it's without the tune. The tune will make a difference you see? Right.okor
Two female characters should look as poor as possible! Maria is on stage crying. Abi comes on to comfort her.
ABI: Martha, please don't cry.
MARTHA: But Abi, I'm so very, very sad.
ABI: I know Martha. But today we will eat. I promise you we will eat.
MARTHA: I am not sad for me. I am sad for all the rich people.
ABI: You have so much compassion for others.
MARTHA: But how do they survive?
ABI: I don't know Martha.
MARTHA: . We must pray for them. Pray for all the rich people. Pray that God will help them with their problems. Can you imagine how hard it must be to wake every morning, knowing that you must decide whether to have a bath or take a shower, and then, and then, you need to think what to have for breakfast. Yoghurt, or muesli or toast, or bacon.or
Two women meet in the middle of the stage. One wears a very bright and thick wrist band.
SARAH: Hi Jennie. Nice wrist band.
JENNIE: Thanks. I'm showing my support for charity.
SARAH: Oh right. Which one?
JENNIE: I can't remember.
SARAH: Oxfam? Save The Children? Society for the preservation of wrist band makers?
JENNIE: (She reads the band) No, this ones for Stop the cruelty to kiddies.
SARAH: Good cause. Good cause.
JENNIE: I do a lot to support them.
SARAH: Do you?or
A rather officious man, in uniform, stands with a clipboard. A scruffy, (possibly bearded foreigner) approaches him, wearing a tea towel on his head. The scruffy man looks unsure about where he's going.
Official: Morning sir. How are you this morning?
Scruffy: You trying to be funny?
Official: No offence sir, but you're the one wearing a tea towel on your head. I think its you who's trying to be funny.
Scruffy: This is my national head-dress.
Scruffy starts to walk past the official.
Official: Just a second there sir. Can I see your passport?
Scruffy: Passport? No-one said anything about needing a passport.
Scruffy: Where in the Bible does it say you need a passport to get into heaven?or
A young woman goes up to a shop counter, where the assistant is already standing.
ASSISTANT: Good morning Jennifer, how are you today?
JENNIFER: Fine thanks. Is my magazine in? I can't see it anywhere on the shelf.
ASSISTANT: I'll have a look.
Assistant looks under her desk, and will continue to look throughout, hardly paying attention to Jennifer.
ASSISTANT: I'll find it in a minute. Before I do though, I must say, your hair is looking lousy this morning.
JENNIFER: Do you think so?
ASSISTANT: Terrible style. Doesn't suit you a bit. Makes you look very old.
JENNIFER: I did wonder.
ASSISTANT: And that dress.or
President sits at his desk. An aide comes to talk to him.
AIDE: Mr President. I need to talk to you about our plans for the war.
PRESIDENT: Sure Ed. Fire away.
AIDE: At last! We get to fire at something.
PRESIDENT: No, Ed, that wasn't an order. I just meant shoot, I mean, tell me what you're thinking.
AIDE: Well, sir, I know you're supreme commander and everything, but I think your strategy is somewhat, erm, well, it's somewhat. unorthodox
PRESIDENT: Phew. For a moment I thought you were going to say it was crazy.
AIDE: Well, unorthodox could be seen as a euphemism for crazy.
PRESIDENT: Don't use words I dont understand Ed.
AIDE: Very well sir. Your strategy is just plain crazy.or